How Do I Get My Child to Clean Up?

Yes, Your Child Can and Should Do Chores!

“Should my child be doing chores?”

“Is it fair for my child to clean up?”

“What chores should my child do?”

These are common questions for parents! As adults, we don’t consider chores fun or interesting. Shouldn’t childhood be about play, not work? Some parents even feel that chores are acts of punishment or servitude. 

But if you look at chores with your child’s development in mind, you’ll see how beneficial they actually are! From sensory engagement, to self esteem, to critical thinking, chores are effective teaching tools for young learners. Getting your child to clean up helps them become a happier and more confident person!

Your Child Gets a Lot Out of Chores!

When an adult sweeps the floor, the goal is a clean floor. When a child sweeps the floor, the goal is to be sweeping. It’s fun to move the dirt with the bristles of the broom. It’s engaging to balance the weight of the broom handle, using your muscles to make short strokes and long strokes. It’s rewarding to explore the sounds the bristles make if you sweep soft or hard, fast or slow. It’s fascinating to notice what gets swept up. Children are sensory explorers, and chores are highly sensory activities.

Think of the sensory input your toddler could receive from a tub of soapy water, a scrub brush, and a few cups to rinse. How long could they stay happily occupied getting dishes ready for the dishwasher? It’s like a sensory bin, but with a real purpose. 

Speaking of which, it turns out Calvin’s dad was right… chores really DO build character! Participating in the care of their environment teaches children two valuable lessons: that they are capable, and that they have an impact on the world around them.

Chores teach your child: “I am capable.” The things that need to be done in the home (or classroom) aren’t just for adults. Every person has something to offer! When your child sees that you support their participation, your confidence in them is reflected back. They learn: “When I take care of something, I am responsible. I am a helper.” This reinforces a positive sense of belonging, and helps your child to feel secure in themselves.

Chores also teach your child: “I have a significant impact on my environment”. What they do really matters! Take a typical Sunday. Your family needs clean dishes to have lunch. Because your child helped clean up the dishes from breakfast, lunch goes off without a hitch! Imagine if the whole family had to wait until the dishes were clean to eat. Everyone would be so hungry… It’s a good thing your child was there to help. They learn: “My choices and actions matter. What I do impacts those around me. I am significant.”

Chores for Children

There are a wealth of suggested chores for children online, to help you figure out what makes sense for your family. But we’re happy to share our Boise Montessori students’ FAVORITE chores to do:

Toddlers (18 months – 3 years)

1. Water plants
2. Wash dishes
3. Load the dishwasher
4. Chop fruits and vegetables (these crinkle-cutters are very popular)
5. Put toys away on the shelf
6. Push/carry the laundry basket to the washing machine
7. Put away folded laundry
8. Sweep with a hand broom and dustpan

Young Children (3 – 6 years)

1. Set the table
2. Sweep the patio/porch
3. Take out trash/recycling/compost
4. Feed the pets
5. Vacuum (with a hand-held vacuum)
6. Wash windows
7. Stir and mix ingredients for cooking
8. Fold laundry

The Process (How to Actually Get Your Child to Clean Up)

Introducing any activity that you want your child to do independently involves a simple teaching process called the “gradual release of responsibility”.

Step 1: You do, they watch. Let your child observe you, pausing in between steps for any explanation. (It’s difficult for children to watch and listen at the same time!) When you’re demonstrating a chore, be conscious that there is a beginning, middle, and end to the sequence. For example: First, you remove the clean clothes and towels from the dryer. Next, you fold the clothes and towels. Finally, you put the folded clothes and towels away.

Step 2: You do, they help. This step can be initiated by the parent or the child. Sometimes your activity looks so fun, your child wants to take the cleaning implement out of your hand! Sometimes you’ll need to invite your child to try (“would you like to take a turn wiping the table?”). Repeat this step with each activity over and over until your child feels confident doing their part of the chore on their own. It’s important not to correct or “fix” their work during this process. If the spoons are in the wrong spot, you can always reorganize them when the child is not present. They’ll learn which place the spoons go after a lot of practice.

Step 3: They do, you help. As you do chores together, you introduce more and more steps for your child to take over. Eventually, you are only encouraging or prompting when necessary (or managing any parts that would be unsafe or unmanageable for your child). Your child may notice that a task needs to be done, or even ask to do it on their own. When this happens, you can remind them of the first independent step and encourage them to start without you.

Step 4: They do, you watch. This is where you truly take a step back. It’s also where you become their “noticer”. “I notice how much brighter it is in here now that the windows are clean.” “I notice how happy the dog is to get his dinner.”

It’s important to know that this process takes time! It’s also important to know that you can start as early as you like. Your young child’s capabilities are growing every day. One day your infant is pulling washcloths from the clean laundry basket and throwing them on the floor. Soon, they’re a toddler who wants to fold and pile them with you. Before you know it, they’re four years old and putting their laundry away by themselves!

But What About…?

But it’s faster/easier if I do it! While it’s much faster and easier to take care of things as an adult, children have a limited window where they’re deeply interested in taking care of their environment. Young children have a developmental need for order, and helping to create and maintain order in their environment is satisfying and rewarding. That need for order fades as they grow, at which point it’s much more difficult to engage their interest. Investing time in the early years leads to confidence and capability later on!

But what if they make a mess? They will definitely make a mess! The important thing is to distinguish which messes we can accept (spilled water from washing hands can be cleaned up easily), and which messes pose a safety or sanitary risk (urine on the floor after using the toilet needs a cleaning product to remove). For example, in our Montessori school in Boise, children “wash” the dishes they use for snack. The purpose of “washing” is to remove food with soapy water. “Washing” can be done by children at any time, without adult participation. However, for the dishes to be clean enough to use again they also need to be “sanitized” in our industrial food sanitizer or a commercial dishwasher in the classroom. The children help with certain steps in “sanitizing” the dishes (ex: loading the dish cart or dish washer), but “sanitizing” is a teacher-led activity. By dividing tasks into “child-led” and “adult-led” activities (and finding ways for children to meaningfully contribute to adult-led tasks), we make sure that chores get done AND children are active participants. As for the smaller, acceptable messes, those are even more opportunities for your child to help.

But what if something breaks? Children do not have to learn to clean things that are  irreplaceable. But learning to manage fragile things is a useful lesson! In our Montessori school in Boise, we use real glasses to drink from, even in the Toddler Community! Occasionally, one breaks. When that happens, everyone freezes and the teachers keep the children away from the broken glass while one adult cleans the space and makes it safe. The children realize quickly that there is a big consequence to a dropped or thrown glass, and they understand that glasses should be handled carefully. 

But there’s not enough time! Moving at a child’s pace is hard. Because they’re focused on the experience, they’re not trying to be efficient. It takes conscious effort for adults to slow down. Shifting your perspective can be helpful: instead of doing a chore for your home, you are doing a chore AND teaching your child something valuable. 

Set Your Child Up for Success!

You can encourage your child to clean up with more than just your words. Use these strategies to boost your child’s independence with chores:

1. Accessible spaces. Your child will be more successful if they can actually get to the tools they need to use! Try setting any tools your child can use on a low shelf or low hook, so that they can reach it. 
2. Child-sized cleaning tools. Consider your young child’s size and dexterity. They need tools they can really use if they’re going to be effective! These child-sized tools are great for a range of indoor and outdoor chores.
3. Visual chore chart. Help with non-verbal reminders! Create a chore chart for your child with pictures of chores they can choose to do. Hang this visual reminder somewhere it can be easily seen and checked by your child. You do not need to incorporate stickers or rewards with this chart: it’s effective as a helpful reminder for you and your child!
4. Routine. Establish a consistent routine around tasks that need to get done. Children love when they know what’s coming next!

Education for Living

In Montessori homes and classrooms, chores are called “care of the environment”. Activities where children care for their environment are part of a classroom’s Practical Life avenue of learning materials. Basically, chores are important at school just like they are at home! What are your child’s responsibilities in their early care environment? Do they have opportunities to help?

At Lakewood Montessori in Boise, we get to spend our days living happily with children. That means getting to see the pride they feel when they do something that helps their community. It’s undeniably rewarding to see the satisfied expression on a child’s face when they say “I did it”!

Come see a true “Children’s House” in action (right down to the tiny brooms and washcloths). Schedule a tour to see our Montessori learning environments!